Saturday, 28 August 2010

Primal - Review

PRIMAL (2010)

Director: Josh Reed

Writer:  Josh Reed

Starring: Krew Boylan, Lindsay Farris, Wil Traval, Damien Freeleagus, Rebekah Foord

The Australian accent was made for swearing.  There's just something about the way those words usually considered taboo or shocking sound so natural coming from an Aussie.  Nowhere is this more apparent than in Josh Reed's latest low budget survival horror, PRIMAL.  There's more bad language in here than backstreet pub at last orders.  That's not a bad thing though but it could be argued that perhaps the whole film is just set-up for one swear-y punch-line.  It's a really good one though so it's not a problem in all honesty.

The problem, or so it seemed from the outset, is the all-too-familiar set-up and premise.  A bunch of attractive young student-y type folk go on a road trip to some remote location to find some old cave paintings only to fall victim to an ancient evil which transforms one of their number into a savage, primeval entity with incredible strength, big pointy teeth and a really bad attitude. The unfortunate poor sheila this happens to then, of course, picks off the rest of the group one by bloody one.  All the expected elements we have seen a thousand times before are present and correct.  The slightly nerdy but good-hearted guy who makes us laugh but doesn't get the girl?  Yep, he's here.  The slightly slutty girl who we just know is going to find some reason to get naked before her demise?  She's here too.  How about the jock hothead of the group who won't listen until it's too late?  And the quiet girl with an emotional trauma hanging over her?  Or the nice-but-dim chick who can't make decisions for herself?  Yes, yes and yes.  They're all here and doing exactly what you would expect them to do, saying what you know they will say and dying on the order you thought they would die.

The odd thing is that it works...kinda.  The script may not be original but it is sharp, witty and fast paced.  The actors may look like your average horror cannon-fodder but they all turn in truly impressive performances.  Damien Freeleagus stands out in particular due to his naturally funny delivery and sheer offbeat charisma.  Krew Boylan also does sterling work in a role which requires her to leave her dignity by the door, spending the vast majority of the movie screaming like a fucking banshee and charging around the woods like a crazed beast.  That is, if the crazed beast was a slim young blonde wearing pink shorts.  Though she is joined later by another of the group she is the main threat in the movie and she does an amazing job of making us believe that a lone slight young woman is a real and lethal danger to the others in the group.

The direction also lifts this film above its formulaic nature.  There's so much energy and life in it that the ride might be through familiar territory but the territory has been given a make-over.  Josh Reed pulls out all the stops here using Zack Snyder-ish slow motion effects during fight scenes, wire work and a brave choice to shoot much of the action in daylight all to great effect.  Again, nothing startlingly original but all taken together, it just works.

The real let-down and what is sure to be the biggest point of criticism is the truly awful CGI.  Much of the film uses practical effects to great effect and the odd augmentation by some CG merely lends to the slightly stylised feel the film has at times.  Once the movie hits the third act however an over-reliance on pixels over practicals gives the movie a feel of an early '90s television show.  Ironically, this is the most interesting part of the story in script terms but it just doesn't work on screen unfortunately.

It's a shame that such a relatively minor flaw mars the climax because without it PRIMAL is an incredibly watchable, massively enjoyable- if somewhat disposable bit of gory swear-y fun.


By Matt Compton  

Friday, 27 August 2010

Hatchet 2 - Review

HATCHET 2 (2010)

Director:  Adam Green
Writer:  Adam Green
Starring:  Tony Todd, Danielle Harris, Kane Hodder, Tom Holland, R.A. Mihailoff

The opening titles on this much-anticipated sequel to 2007's retro gore-fest state pretty emphatically that this is 'Adam Green's Hatchet 2' but this is hardly necessary as the loquacious director's personality and distinct sense of humour are stamped on nearly every frame.  Green has said many times in various interviews and public appearances that one of his conditions for returning to direct Victor Crowley's return was that he could do exactly what he wanted.  Well, he has.  The film is littered with in-jokes, cameos and references,  These range from favourite lines from classic movies ("THE THING" - you can probably guess which line) to sight gags from Green's Halloween shorts (Jack-Chop!) to stuff that only the geekiest of horror geeks would have a chance of picking up on.  The good news is, however, that HATCHET 2 never relies on any of this good-natured gimmick-ery to either tell its story or deliver its thrills, shocks and laughs.

Following on directly from where the first instalment left off, the film follows the story of Marybeth, re-cast as the diminutive but effective Danielle Harris.  Harris shakes off her predecessor's shadow very quickly and makes the role her own as she is put through her paces by a script which requires her to spend the entire movie in varying degrees of extreme distress.  She is backed up by a much larger cast list this time with the ever-watchable Tony Todd's scheming Reverend Zombie leading a posse of hunters into the swamp to dispose of the vengeful (and not to mention, incredibly fucking violent) ghost of Victor Crowley once and for all (once again played by Kane Hodder).  The wonderful Parry Shen also returns from the first film (despite being horribly murdered in it) in a disappointingly small role which will nonetheless guarantee a few laughs as he demonstrates yet more of his fascinating array of terrible accents.

At first glance the sequel plays very much like its predecessor but as it wears on, a greater maturity of both story and execution are revealed by writer/director Adam Green.  The myth of the hatchet wielding lunatic, Victor Crowley is much expanded in a way that feels natural and consistent with the information  given in the first film.  This is what is great about having the original's creator return for the sequel, it genuinely feels like it is all part of a larger story and universe.  The older, more world-weary characters give this film a slightly different tone to the more goofy teen stuff of the original which is a welcome change.  This is not to say that the gratuitous tit-shots aren't still present however, it just means that Green uses them to, let's say, better effect this time round.  The overall tone is very similar to the first in all the right ways, with a witty script which derives its humour as much from characterisation and word play as it does ridiculously gory set-pieces.

Yes, the gory set-pieces.  This is what Hatchet is really about and this instalment does not disappoint.  Not one bit.  Victor Crowley is as ridiculously psychopathic as ever, employing even more beautifully appalling ways of ripping, tearing and brutalising his poor victims than first time around.  Victor's kills would make you long for the sweet simplicity of an arrow through the neck or good old machete-ing, they are so flagrantly brutal.  To go into details would spoil the fun but the fan-favourite belt sander makes a welcome return as well as a few new tools including a brilliantly stupid chainsaw whose somewhat implausible size would certainly make even Leatherface mumble his excuses and leave the party.

The effects are all, once again, practically achieved and are so much the better for it.  Everything is done using clever camera angles, creative make-up and prosthetics and it all looks wonderful.  Crowley himself has undergone a subtle make-over and is a much improved shift from the slightly rubbery version we first became acquainted with.

As a sheer, balls-out piece of genre entertainment there's not much you can say against HATCHET 2.  Perhaps it takes a little too long to get going and the pace of the first act is certainly a little off but then again, everything set up is paid off further down the line and once it gets going there's absolutely no let up.  This film knows what it is, who its audience is and  what it wants to do.  It succeeds pretty admirably at doing that too and while there are many criticisms that can be levelled at it as a film, the sheer exuberance, sense of fun and obvious deep love for the horror genre it has, render every single one of them redundant in my book.  Viva Victor Crowley and Viva Adam Green.

Thursday, 26 August 2010

A Serbian Film - Cut from Frightfest 2010 Lineup

Just hours before the UK's biggest horror festival is due to kick off and mere days before its screening, the Film 4 Frightfest organisers have made the shock decision to drop the massively controversial A SERBIAN FILM from the lineup.

Screenjabber reports that the film, which had been one of the major draws for the festival, is being cut due to the BBFC demanding 4 minutes worth of cuts be made before it screens.  Frightfest co-director Alan Jones said,

"Film4 FrightFest has decided not to show A Serbian Film in a heavily cut version because, as a festival with a global integrity, we think a film of this nature should be shown in its entirety as per the director’s intention. Several film festivals across the world have already done so. Unlike the I Spit on Your Grave remake, where we are showing the BBFC certified print, as requested by Westminster Council, the issues and time-line complexities surrounding A Serbian Film make it impossible for us to screen it"

Whilst this is obviously a huge setback for the London-based festival , it is arguably a much bigger setback for both the BBFC and the future of festival screenings in the UK.  Many will see this intervention by the BBFC (who were similarly criticised when they 'banned' GROTESQUE last year) as another example of the state dictating what consenting adults can and cannot see.

Much criticism has also been aimed at the BBFC for their part in encouraging piracy through this action - an illegal copy of A SERBIAN FILM is available online and with no way of seeing it legitimately many frustrated fans will almost certainly turn to illegal download sites.

For what it's worth, I certainly back Frightfest's decision to pull the film under the circumstances.  It would be a hug e mistake and an insult to the loyal Frightfest audience to include it in its cut form.  Of course, many will be enormously disappointed in this news as it was a film many fans were eager to see, if only to discover if the controversy was deserved or not.  In honesty, I wasn't and am not one of those people - it's just not a film that sounded like it would appeal to my personal tastes.  I prefer my horror to be pure escapism, give me a slathering blood beast over a child pornographer anyday.  That's not to say I am not disappointed at this news however.  I couldn't be more disappointed at the BBFC. They have damaged the credibility of a festival that does more to honour this country than the rest of the farcical British Film Industry altogether.

Resident Evil: Afterlife - Clips released.

Anybody looking forward to Sony Screen Gems' imminent release of Resident Evil Afterlife, the fourth part in the series based on the enormously popular videogame series, should check out the clips recently released to the internet.  Anybody not looking forward to it should also check them out to be honest as they are certainly...  interesting.

The first (see it over at UGO here) is clearly a shameless MATRIX rip-off with a couple of clone Alices (Mila Jovavich) blowing shit up and shooting men in sunglasses whilst hurtling down an exploding lift shaft.

The second (watch it at Bloody Disgusting)  has a load of zombies chasing Mila over a rooftop  and her swinging away to safety.  Well, that's if you count a city street packed with flesh eating undead safe.  It's got to be said that the visual effects in these clips just look, well, bizarre.  The swinging segment for example is actually hilariously bad.  Surely, this can only be intentional...right?  The shot of all the zombies falling off the building is actually pretty cool though I reckon.

More dodgy effects in the third clip (also at Bloody Disgusting) as Mila crash lands an unconvincing plane onto an unconvincing CG landscape.  Practically nothing aside form the actors look real in this clip which strangely makes it all the more compelling  

Obviously, no points for originality but it might all work in 3D and refreshingly this isn't that retro-fitted, post production 3D where the only discernible difference is that the film looks like you're watching it form the bottom of a big puddle of mud.  No, this is the real deal - just like what James Cameron used you know?  This film clearly isn't taking itself too seriously and despite the fact that it veers farther away from the original game licence with every sequel might well be a fun little guilty pleasure.

Of course, it might be a load of old crap too.

I'll let you know what I think as soon as I get to see it but what do you think?

Tuesday, 24 August 2010

Satanico Pandemonium - The Total Bastard Database

The TBDB is the Net's biggest, best and most downright demented guide to horror cinema's worst villains, madmen, monsters, maniacs, cannibals, creeps, killers, beasts and, well... bastards.

All TBDB entries contain a whole load of SPOILERS so if you ain't seen the film don't read on! 

Salma Hayek
Was a Bastard in:
From Dusk til Dawn
So who the Hell is she?
The star attraction at the Titty Twister bar, a decadent truckers’ and bikers’ bar just past the Mexican border famous for its tequila, dancing girls and odd doorman who bears a striking resemblance to Cheech Marin and 
seems to be fixated with the word, ‘pussy’.

Oh yeah and also home to a few hundred hungry vampires.
Satanica’s sultry dance routine which involves a snake, a bottle of tequila and a foot doesn’t sound hugely attractive but in glorious motion is one of the sexiest moments in horror cinema especially for Mr. Tarantino who gets to indulge his apparent foot fetish once again by sucking on her toes.
Of course the whole sexy vibe goes pretty much straight out the window when she abruptly turns into a distinctly reptilian looking vampiress who proceeds to tear everybody’s throat out. Still, there’s probably worse ways to go.
That’s not a Knife...
Although she is one of the most gorgeous women in creation in her human form Satanica is much less attractive in her vampire form – all scales, teeth and claws and it is these she uses to pretty good effect on the unkempt patrons of the Titty Twister.
Why, for the love of God Why?
Well, hunger seems to be the driving influence here but this vampire bitch woman really enjoys what she does too. I’m not quite sure why she bothers with the whole strip routine either come to think of it but I probably speak for many men when I say that I’m glad she does. Very glad.
So what’s the damage?
Though she doesn’t live long enough to do a huge amount of damage, the final shot of the movie showing a vast ancient temple thing sinking into a chasm behind the bar probably means that she has been doing her thing for a looong time.
It’s a million to one chance but it might just work...
Despite looking a lot like a big sexy lizard, Satanica is a vampire and as such has the standard aversion to stakes through the heart (as do most sensible people) and sunlight which does a little more than give them a nasty case of sunburn, as Seth Gecko so memorably puts it, 
“They were fucking vampires. Psychos do not explode when sunlight hits them, I don't care how crazy they are.”

Word of wisdom
“You'll be my slave. You'll live for me. You'll eat bugs because I order it. Why? Because I don't think you're worthy of human blood. You'll feed on the blood of stray dogs. You'll be my foot stool. And at my command, you'll lick the dog shit from my boot heel. Since you'll be my dog, your new name will be "Spot". Welcome to slavery.”

By Matt Compton

Victor Crowley - The Total Bastard Database

The TBDB is the Net's biggest, best and most downright demented guide to horror cinema's worst villains, madmen, monsters, maniacs, cannibals, creeps, killers, beasts and, well... bastards.

All TBDB entries contain a whole load of SPOILERS so if you ain't seen the film don't read on! 


Kane Hodder

Was a bastard in:
Hatchet (2006)

So what the Hell is he?...
What is it with the horribly deformed that makes them want to kill everyone huh? I suspect it has something to do with a subliminal societal fear of the ‘outsider’ – 
those who are different and must be destroyed to preserve the status quo. Or perhaps it is just an indication of our own shallow pre-occupation with youth and beauty to the extent that we represent those deemed ugly by the norm as psychotic savages.

Whatever the case, poor ol’ Vic is another one of those killers who arrive in the world with ‘horrible birth defects’. Poor little bugger never stood a chance really, his 
future as a rampantly violent murderer was pretty much set in stone. Of course it didn’t help when the local kids in his New Orleans Swamp home mocked him mercilessly until, in a prank-gone-wrong accidentally set his house on fire. As if this wasn’t bad enough, young Victor’s father then tries to chop the door down with a hatchet unaware that his son was standing on the other side. One hatchet in the head later and we have a dead freak and a grieving father.

It doesn’t end there however, no siree Bob. Ever since then the ghost of Victor has been stuck in that night and prowls the swamps looking for his daddy. Oh and killing anybody who gets in his way. Well anybody at all really regardless of whether they are in his way or not.
That’s not a knife…
No it’s a hatchet of course, have you read the film’s title? He also uses a spade, an industrial sander and his bare hands to rather disgusting effect.

Why, for the love of God why?!!?!
I guess it’s because of those cheeky little scamps who taunted him as a child. See, it’s not all carnage and gore in these films – there’s lessons to be learnt too. In this case the lesson is ‘don’t pick on deformed kids because they’ll return as massive bastards with axes and chop you into messes’.

So what’s the damage?
Shitloads. Victor kills indiscriminately and repeatedly. He also likes to vary his methods a fair bit. One of the worst has to be the poor girl who gets her lower jaw sanded off then is left to crawl around bleeding until being put out of her jaw-less misery impaled on the wooden handle of a shovel. Lucky lady.

It’s a million to one chance but it might just work…
What these ugly bastard lunatics lack in looks they make up for in invulnerability. Like many before him Victor Crowley sure takes some damage to put down and even then it’s no sure thing. He doesn’t seem to like being set on fire very much though but then again, who does?

Words of wisdom
“ggggrrrarragghhhgg” Lots and lots of guttural roaring for good old Vicky boy. Not much for anything more articulate than that though.

By Matt Compton

Monday, 23 August 2010

Wishmaster - The Total Bastard Database

The TBDB is the Net's biggest, best and most downright demented guide to horror cinema's worst villains, madmen, monsters, maniacs, cannibals, creeps, killers, beasts and, well... bastards.

All TBDB entries contain a whole load of SPOILERS so if you ain't seen the film don't read on! 

Andrew Divoff, John Novak,
Jason Connery, Michael Trucco
Was a bastard in:
Wishmaster, Wishmaster 2, Wishmaster 3, Wishmaster 4
So what the Hell is he?...
The Wishmaster is a Djinn. The Djinn are an immortal race of genie-like malevolent beings with near limitless power who dwell in the darkness between worlds. They’re not to keen on it there though (which judging by its not terribly fun sounding name isn’t surprising) and spend most of their time trying to break into the human world. For some reason or other the only way they can do this s by one of their number being summoned from a special red stone he is imprisoned in and then granting three wishes to the ‘waker’ - the person who discovered the stone. Of course, being a right bastard, the Djinn’s interpretation of the wishes is always something murderously horrible like ripping their skeleton out of their body. 
It seems like a strange move on the Djinn’s behalf however to grant the Waker’s wishes so unpleasantly as this invariably discourages the wisher to make any more. Surely if the Djinn were to just grant the wishes that the wisher intended and be really nice about the whole thing he’d have a lot more success in the whole opening-the-portal-for-all-the-other-Djinn plan. A plan he spectacularly fails at in all 4 films by the way. Loser.

That’s not a knife…
Who needs weapons when you have the power to grant wishes?
Why, for the love of God why?!!?!
Being basically demons, the Djinn want the same old goal of your standard dominion over the earthly plane and mastery over humanity deal. Perhaps they should set their sights lower really…
So what’s the damage?
Lots of damage here as pretty much everybody the Djinn comes across ends up dying in some spectacularly creative way. The Djinn’s twist on the killing though is that it has to in some way grant the wish the victim made. This however is pretty liberally judged and allows for all manner of silliness – people turning into glass, people murdered by pianos and even people turning into a pimple on a stripper’s ass (this scene is by no means as cool as it sounds by the way)
There’s also a fairly broad set of rules as to what entitles a wish. A policeman yelling freeze is apparently enough of a wish to allow the Djinn to freeze the poor fellow alive. I don’t want to sound pedantic but ‘Freeze’ is a command rather than a wish surely, I guess that’s Djinns for you though – no respect for semantic accuracy.
It’s a million to one chance but it might just work…
The Djinn’s power is also their only weakness, they are bound by the wishes they grant. Although as already mentioned these wishes are pretty much interpreted at the Djinn’s whim he is still unable not to grant a wish that has been made of him. This usually proves his undoing as some bright spark ends up thinking of a wish that will seal him back in his little red stone. He really should have listened to my advice about granting wishes nicely, then nobody would want to seal him away again. That’s Djinn’s for you though – no respect for people offering practical advice. Tsk.
Oh, in the later films there’s a big magic sword that apparently has the power to kill him but frankly it’s rubbish.
Words of wisdom
“I don't need you dead, Alexandra. I just need you to wish you were.”

By Matt Compton

Friday, 20 August 2010

Pennywise - The Total Bastard Database

The TBDB is the Net's biggest, best and most downright demented guide to horror cinema's worst villains, madmen, monsters, maniacs, cannibals, creeps, killers, beasts and, well... bastards.

All TBDB entries contain a whole load of SPOILERS so if you ain't seen the film don't read on!

Bob Gray, It, (Tim Curry)

Was a bastard in: 
IT (1990)

So Who the Hell is he?
Hard to say really. He certainly isn't human in any case but rather some practically immortal creature from beyond our world. Whether this means another dimension or another planet isn't exactly clear.
Wherever he is from, the fact remains that he is the evil bastard who wakes up every 30 years and goes on a lengthy child-killing spree before going back to sleep. He usually appears as Pennywise the clown but can appear as many things - usually manifestations of a victim's deepest fears.
His true form is incomprehensible to the human mind but the closest thing to it apparently is the clumsy giant spider thing the heroes kick the shit out of at the end of the film. Yeah, it is a bit rubbish isn't it?
That’s not a knife…
We never really see much of Pennywise in action but we do know that his victims are usually found horribly mutilated. This is probably something to do with the big sharp teeth and spiky claws he can grow at will.
Pennywise is also quite adept at mind games and able to present his victims with horrific visions that nobody else can see. These include an avalanche of blood filled balloons falling from the ceiling and bursting all over the patrons of a public library, and a batch of very dubious fortune cookies which all conceal diferent horrors including living eyeballs and very large bugs.
Why, for the love of God, Why??!!?
It seems that the creature that Pennywise really is feeds on the children he kills. Though he does partially consume his victims it would probably be more acurate to say that it feeds on the fear and horror its killing produces in the children.
So what’s the damage?
The first time we meet Pennywise is when he kills George Denborough, an innocent little boy playing with a paper boat in the rain. Pennywise hides down a drain and convinces the boy to trust him by going on about balloons and how they all float, when George reaches in, Pennywise pulls his arm off. That's what you get for trusting really suspicious looking clowns who live in sewers I guess.
It’s a million to one chance but it might just work…
Though the gang of children who eventually vanquish Pennywise do so by using silver shot at it from a slingshot it is actually their faith and belief that really causes him the harm. This idea is repeated and reinforced in the final battle against it when one of the heroes sprays it with an asthma inhaler saying that it is really battery acid.
Words of wisdom:  
"They all float down here, and when you're here YOU'LL FLOAT TOO!"
"Hello Georgie!"
"Beep Beep Richie!"
"Excuse me Madam, is your washing machine running? It is? Well you better catch it before it runs away!

By Matt Compton

Thursday, 19 August 2010

My Soul to Take - Trailer

My Soul To Take

A new trailer is doing the rounds for Wes Craven's latest offering, MY SOUL TO TAKE.
The A NIGHTMARE ON ELM STREET  creator  has written and directed this movie which tells the story of the teenage children of a local town being terrorised by a local serial killer who died years ago.  Hang on a minute...

Hopefully, any surface similarities to Mr. Englund's finest hour are just that.  To be fair, this film does look like it will be taking a very different approach to the idea with much talk about transferral of souls and such.  Whatever the case, it's by Wes Craven and that alone gets us interested to be honest.

Not that we will get a chance to find out any time in the near future however as no UK release date has been set as of yet.  You lucky US readers however can check it out on 8th October.

Wednesday, 18 August 2010

Star Costumes' Horror Scholarship


Are you a US citizen? Studying horror filmmaking? Could use an extra $1000?

Well, if so, Star Costumes have launched a scheme to award one moderately fortunate student the princely sum of $1000.  If you are in the position to go for this then head on over to their website for full details.

Dren - The Total Bastard Database

The TBDB is the Net's biggest, best and most downright demented guide to horror cinema's worst villains, madmen, monsters, maniacs, cannibals, creeps, killers, beasts and, well... bastards.

All TBDB entries contain a whole load of SPOILERS so if you ain't seen the film don't read on! 



Delphine Chanéac

Was a bastard in

Splice (2009)

Who the hell is she?

It's probably quite natural for most people to be a little embarrased about photographs of themselves when they were young children.  Think about how poor Dren feels however - not only did she have to suffer the normal indignities and traumas of a difficult childhood but she also had to do it looking like a frozen chicken.  She didn't even have any arms, poor bitch.  That's just what comes of being gestated in a big metal tank and having about half a dozen assorted different animals as your biological parents.  Dren is, in fact, the world's first human/animal hybrid  - a genetic mash-up of all manner of DNA  created by a couple of not-really-that-smart "genius" bio-chemists.

Being the only one of her kind and her closest relatives being a couple of gender-confused slugs with a penchant for murder Dren is understandably confused at her role in life.  A confusion which is only exacerbated when her surrogate father repeatedly tries to kill her for much of her life.  No wonder the poor genetic mutant has 'daddy issues'.  Issues which are probably compounded when said surrogate father decides that it would be just a swell idea to have sex with her.  That's right, sex.  With the animal hybrid thing that he has raised since young and treats as, at turns, a pet, an experiment and a daughter.  None of which (though in admittedly, wildly varying degrees) are remotely okay to fuck.  Weird bastard.  

Maybe its Dren's strange retractable wings that proved too seductive for good ol' Clive the bio-chemist or perhaps its her not-quite human features and baldness.  But then again, it could be her sexy legs which are best described as a cross between  a cricket, a deer and a frog's legs stuffed inside a human-skin sack.  How could he resist?
That's not a knife...
No, it's not.  It's a great big stinger attached to her tail.  Oh yeah, she's got a tail too.  Cool.
Why for the love of God Why??!!?
It's not really Dren's fault to be honest, she is at the mercy of her raging conflict of instincts and hormones. Her place on this Database is, in fairness, a little undeserved but, like Clive, I never could resist a rampantly violent genetic mutation of indeterminate biological extraction.  Dren is really a victim of mad science but mad science hasn't got such a cool picture so Dren is here in its place.
So what's the damage?
Not a huge amount really, a bit of rape and a few killings.  It should be noted however that these were all performed after she had changed sex.  The worst she got up to as a female was killing a cat and eating a deer, oh and trying to kill her mother.  She kind of deserved it though.  The cat didn't.
It's a million to one chance but it might just work...
Like the old saying goes, 'when all else fails, bust 'em in the head with a great big rock' and good advice it is too.  Either that or just wait until her unnaturally fast life cycle kills her of old age.  It is pretty hard to tell however as whenever it looks like she is dead she goes and does something like turn into a bastard-hard psychopathic monster hell-bent on bloody revenge.  Probably best to use the rock. 
Words of wisdom:

By Matt Compton