Saturday, 17 July 2010

Michael Myers - The Total Bastard Database


The TBDB is the Net's biggest, best and most downright demented guide to horror cinema's worst villains, madmen, monsters, maniacs, cannibals, creeps, killers, beasts and, well... bastards.

Guest writer, Andrew Thompson presents...
MICHAEL MYERS

AKA:
 
The Shape
 
Was a bastard in:
 
Halloween (1978)
Halloween II (1981)
Halloween 4 (1988)
Halloween 5 (1989)
Halloween: The Curse of Michael Myers (1995)
Halloween: H20 (1998)
Halloween: Resurrection (2002)
 
So who the Hell is he?
 
Michael Myers was raised in Haddonfield until Halloween, 1963, where, for no discernable reason, he stabbed his older sister Judith to death with a big, sharp kitchen knife. Michael was found by his parents and sent away to Smith's Grove Sanitarium, far from Haddonfield, where his shrink Dr. Sam Loomis eventually came to decide that Michael was pure evil. Fifteen years after his initial incarceration, he escaped Smith's Grove and went home to kill again. His initial target, Laurie Strode, seemed to just have the misfortune of stopping by his old house while he was hiding inside, but Dr. Loomis came to discover Laurie was, in fact, Michael's younger sister...and he REALLY wanted to kill her.
 
Michael has proven to be very tenacious, with a variety of supernatural abilities. He's strong enough to lift a giant tombstone by himself, seems to disappear if you take your eyes off him for a second, and most terrifyingly, he just refuses to die.
 
That's not a knife...
 
It usually is, actually. But Michael uses all manners of things, ranging from the mundane, like cords and hockey skates(WHAT?) all the way to scalpels, hot tubs, and gigantic machetes in the best Jason Voorhees impression he can muster.
 
Why, for the love of God, why?!!?

 
Dr. Loomis calls him pure evil. In the start, this seems to be the case.
However, it becomes clear that Michael is just a big bully who thinks family members make for good knife sharpeners.
Halloweens 4-6 take a very strange route, claiming that Michael killed on behalf of the cult of Thorn, because of a mysterious Man in Black goading him on. The cult protects him and watches over him. Their motives aren't exactly clear.  Less said about them the better in all honesty - it's hardly the franchise's brightest idea.
In the remaining two installments, he's back to Laurie-hunting.
 
So what's the damage?
 
Through the fucking ROOF. He massacres an entire police station, kills an operating room full of doctors, has bumped off some mechanics for a set of new duds, and he doesn't like teenagers. They never do. The point is, the list goes on and on...
 
It’s a million to one chance but it might just work…
 
Michael has proven to be more or less immune to bullets(except when Laurie gets the idea of putting a round in each eye socket). Burning him to a crisp works for a little while, as does just bashing and whacking the hell out of him with a blunt object. But he always recovers, so once you put him down temporarily, run away.
 
Words of wisdom
 
The Shape doesn't say a thing.



By Andrew Thompson

2 comments:

  1. I love Myers! Beautiful and frightening all at the same time.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Beautiful? Well, he does have that pale and interesting thing going on but I guess I'm just not a big enough Shatner fan to find him too appealing. :)

    ReplyDelete